Its the third day of contemplation. Seems significant doesn't it somehow?

And contemplatin' i have certainly been doing.
And as well, Oh, my word, I've had some thoughts that are too horrific to contemplate.

Get this, i happened to spot a quick shot of the panel on Matthew Wrights talk show this morning as i flicked on the news for ten minutes while waiting for the computer to 'do something'.

Who was on there, but Anne Diamond. [Shreik] I dont know what they were talking about because i went over to sky news, as i say, but i just caught, out of the corner of my eye, for a millisecond, a glimpse of her fat face and her little-framed body with mountains of fat clinging to every organ and bone, wrapped in a boxy padded-shouldered sized 20 navy jacket.
[shreik, and screem and shreik again].
[shudders deeply and for a long time]

now i've done a little bit of work, and come to rest. "What if i end up like her?" i thought.
I mean, she has tried EVERYTHING, hasn't she reader? But no matter what, she just can't stop herself stuffing cakes and pies into her mouth, can she? (C'mon, lets get real, the woman doesn't go around eating salads and raw fish does she? - well, only for snacks)

She's even gone as far as to mutilate her own body. She has taken the risk, to her own life, of being put under anaesthetic and had her body opened up (or tubed up, if by keyhole) and things inside of her have been cut, burned, removed, moved around, poked, prodded, sliced.
Its grotesque.
And she's still obese.

She put herself in the position of getting into the limelight (i.e. fat-club reality TV show) where she would have all the help of the weight loss program to keep her on a weight loss plan, but she wasn't losing weight. she was still obese.

And then it 'came to light' paparazzi style, that Anne had been in hospital for a gastric operation.
but she was STILL Obese.

In having had the gastric operation in order to lose weight, (which she knew about but the viewers and contestants did not know, she [allegedly] allowed the story to leak out, readers, (like anne wishes her fat would do?).
Wouldn't it have been great if the public would have all seen that, [gasp] even this gastric operation hasn't worked. "Oh my goodness, the poor helpless woman",the public and medical boffins and politicians would say, "we must collectively do something to change the world so that hopelessly fat people do not stay fat any more".

And they all lived happily ever after. Fat people would still eat cakes and still wear size 10 dresses, and Anne Diamond would be a superstar/national hero.

What a fantasy.
(Actually i first wrote, "What a fatasy" there, but went back and corrected it. Freud would've been poud of me).

Anyway, Anne Diamond.
Seeing you has horrified me.
I am the same as you. I, too, am betraying my own body, shortening my life, reducing the quality of my life, and generally self-harming but being obese.

ANd you know what, Anne Diamond, the funny thing is, that we really ARE helpless women.
Accept it and get over it.

We're helpless because we can't be helped.
NOBODY could help me or you, Anne Diamond, to lose the fat from our bodies.
Because as soon as we are alone with food, guess what?
We shove it into our bodies.

it doesn't take much - you dont need to be constantly eating to maintain this amount of obesity. Just every now and then, could be once in a week, could be twice, could be every two or three weeks - but the point is, that sooner or later, the time comes when we just get a lot of calories and stuff them into our mouths.

If we didn't get fat, nobody would know what we did would they?
If we gambled, drank, had sex, did powerplays and bullying, produced work, exercised...or did any other number of things compulsively, we probably wouldnt be obese.

Its not because we love food,
Nor because we hate it.
But food, has become a metaphor - a physical manefestation -
of the parts of us that we love and hate.
But, its not in our conscious awareness at the time.
It really feels like its all about the food.

Even to me, and i do know better.