Did you miss me? I'm back.
I have been away on a pre-planned short break.
It was very uncomfortable, actually. I stayed in a guest house doing a painting course, and the whole thing was centred around food. We all had to have a three-course evening meal together and a full breakfast together and a two course home-cooked lunch.
I did feel bound. I hated sitting around a table making polite and charming conversation whehn what i really wanted to do was go to my room and eat in peace.
I have been bingeing. It started quite reasonably by me telling myself that i'm not going to eat any food for 6 months, therefore i can eat all the food that i like one last time.
BIG MISTAKE.
I've eaten, chocolate bars, choc biscuits by the packet, cookie shop cookies, crisps, sandwhiches, cakes, cheesecake, chips, fattening salad dressings, breads, cheeses, sweets, and i even went to macdonalds and had a veggie burger thingy. I NEVER eat macdonalds - i think that the last time was about 7 years ago or more.
I have been going stir-crazy.
Stopping at every opportunity to eat.
On my short painting break i, not only, ate all of the meals, but also i took chocolate bars and packs of biscuits with me and ate them in bed.
Its all been extremely stressful. I have been panicking about getting the food down me as fast as possible, and not stopping until it was all eaten.
I now feel unwell. Not surprisingly. My body aches and hurts and feels stretched to its limit. I feel bloated betond anything ive ever felt before. and to top it all, i am so tired. And i really couldn't care less about anything.
Thats all I've got to say really.
I went to my GP today to get my pulse and blood pressure taken. additionally the GP had to ensure that i wasn't disqualified from beginning this diet. He checked my medical records for things such as previous useage of psychotropic meds, history of thrombosis, and other stuff.
I passed the test.
I go on the diet on tuesday.
I have now only 4 more days to wait.
It will be such a relief to get away from food - even though i'm not stopping myself, i am so sick of eating now. So sick of stuffing things in my mouth. So sick of just hoovering up whatever i can.
I'm sick of myself.
