Good grief!
Anyone would think that i was going to the moon for five years the way that i've been manically scoffing over the last fourteen days (since i have known i was beginning the Lighterlife starvation program on 6th June).
I've had just about every imaginable food that i have imagined that i will miss in my food abstinent half year....WHICH STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!...YIKES.
I really don't know why i am spooking myself like this. I mean, its been eight weeks to the day since i passed my Masters Degree examinations. Had i been doing Lighterlife for those eight weeks then by now i would have lost anything from 30 to 40 pounds (about two - three stones). And the last eight weeks feels like, well, it just feels like days going by and time moving on - but not much of it. Eight weeks - pah! Surely, i can easily do that - it's just a case of putting one foot in front of the other,. just one day at a time, as 'they' say.
I start the LighterLife program tomorrow. In preparation i have been to the supermarket. I've bought 10 large bottles of carbonated water (to add variety to the 6 litres of water i need to drink per day) and i have also bought tons of bottles of mouthwash - ready for that lovely Ketosis aroma that i want to mask.
Tomorrow morning i am out of the house at 8-30 am and then straight from work i go to the LighterLife Counsellors office for the first LighterLife meeting. (from now on LL = LighterLife)
Venus, my LL counsellor, phoned me the other day asking whether my doc approved me starting the group, and asking when i would be posting the form back to her, and to inform me that I need to bring double the fee for the first week. "This", she waffled on, "is because the set-up fees are included in the first session as is the cost of the foodpacks and the counselling and some people may come to the first meeting and not come back and i will be out of pocket".
Venus wants me to pay weekly thereafter, so in actual fact i will be paying £66 weekly and i will have a week in hand (week 14 i do not pay for).
SO tomorrow, i shall eat something in the morning, probably something for lunch, and then NO MORE FOOD FOR 6 MONTHS - i will go to the LL group straight from work and have an LL foodpack for dinner that evening.
I am scared, but i have to keep myself calm. I consider this scared feeling to be ridiculous. I mean, the basic diet is 100 days - 14 weeks. That's like starting end of feb, and finishing now (and i'd be anything from 3 - 5 stone lighter by now!!!!!) and 14 weeks is really not very long is it? Although i have said that i am going to do it for 6 months and finish on 6th december (thats because i'm realistically expecting my weight loss to be a steady 1 stone per month - but it could be more - if so i may need to be on the diet for less months).
I know thin-ness is my destiny. Once again i am going to do things that thin people do, go places that thin people go, wear clothes that thin people wear and meet people-who-love-thin-people-and-want-to-be-with-them.
Take tonight, for instance, as i was eating my pilau rice and authentic indian curry sauce, i had a quick image of being in an Indian restuarant with people and enjoying an indian meal as a treat. (this i would occasionally do when i was last a thin person). It was quite an exciting moment - i actually re-experienced myself in an indian restuarant that i knew and had been to before. It was a real deja vu moment (similar to the one i had last saturday - see blog). And i felt a flurry of excitement as i accepted this indian restaurant experience back into my reality.
Hmm, the thought of eating normally again, in a structured and civilised way, is quite a relief (instead of lazily and slobbily eating food alone in front of the TV) and it is also quite anxiety producing, if i'm honest.
I have to give up the 'slob me' don't I? Say "Goodbye", wave, "Au revouir" and chant under my breath, "Don't come back" . 'Slob Me' will be gone for 6 months and then will not be coming back afterward. Today and tonight has been the final time that 'Slob Me' has been around. I feel sad that 'Slob Me' is going. We did have some good times and 'Slob Me' will be missed. However, i thank 'Slob Me' for keeping me company throughout my 'Phase of Recent Misery'. And now that 'Phase of Recent Misery' is no more, then 'Slob Me' is no longer needed.
Thanks for the memories, bud :-)
I shall remember you in my will. You were a good friend.
Now, thin-ness and happiness beckons. Its time to be more vital and alive and move into a new phase of life. This new phase, temporarily (for 6 months) will be the LL program , and that phase we shall call the 'Laboratory Phase'. Completing this phase succesfully propels me into the 'Touchdown Phase', this phase may last a short while (3-8 months) and iteslf has the potential to lead into the 'Stars Aligned Phase'. 'Stars Aligned phase' is hoped to last a long time - if possible to the end of the lifespan.
Anyway, back to mundanesville. This week i have a particularly busy week. I had thought it was going to be easy, but it seems that just thursday is a little less busy than normal. Apart from a couple of meetings I will be working at home on thursday, friday and saturday, however. I am expecting a healing crisis.
A healing crisis is when you are detoxing and your body is screaming out in pain from the caffiene, sugar, fats and chemicals withdrawal that are found in regular foods and have now ceased from entering your body, cold turkey style. It is a mega-shock, readers, as you can imagine, and you get things like, headaches, tiredness, nausea, fuzzy headedness, blurry eyes, lack of concentration, eyelid closing, irritable mood, crying, sleepiness, restlessness, a sense of unreality, tingling, itches, shivers, general weakness, twitching, shakiness, soreness, aches, and pains.
I do not know when my healing crisis will kick in (the withdrawal symptoms, if you like). I hope that it starts on Friday morning, as that would be the most convenient - and ends on monday morning. As i can have fri, sat, sun off work or without any functioning whatsoever if necessary. I doubt it will end on monday though, but the worst could be over by then. From what i remember reading of Mikes posts on his LL blog, the symptoms last at least the first 10 weeks, really. Anyway - i'm still willing - i'l find ways to cope and adapt and minimise the symptoms.
So, here goes then, - wish me luck - next time i blog i shall be already officially on the LL program.
More tomorrow :-)
