Day 39 of 183. 144 days to go.

I've gone pro.
Yup - i have another blog in addition to this one.

Check me out here
http://detersdatingdiaires.blog.co.uk/

But, back to dieting. My dad phoned me yesterday. He lives in Asia and has invited me out for a couple of weeks in february. He said we'd all go on holiday to a Thai beach resort somewhere that he knows. I heard the name of it, but i cannot remember it. I trust him that it will be somewhere nice, anyway.

He wont pay for my flights or anything - he's not like that. He's always been a man of the 'make-em-stand-on-their-own-two-feet' brigade.

Even so, I shall definatley do this. I love winter holidays in warm places. The last time that i went away on holiday was two decembers ago, now. Last winter i didn't go because i was studying hard for my exam on April 6th.

I don't like going in the summer, particularly. When its hot here, i can't see the point. Its lovely in the garden at the moment for the odd hour here and there. In fact, today i was out from 5pm when my handyman left to go home, up to 7-45pm. It was still absolutely boiling hot out there. My garden does get the sun all day long. It is lovely.

My heart is actually singing as i think about being on a beach in february. By then, i should be significantly thinner - and if my bod stays ok, i can wear a bikini. It'll be just like the old days.

I'm looking forward to getting all of my old summer clothes out. Hey - if they don't fit - so what!
It will be great to buy a few new things. A person really doesn't need to take a lot of clothing to a Thai beach anyway. Unless you stay in one of those 5* boutique hotels, like those in 'Le Meridien' group, for instance, or some othrs such thing.

Most Thai places are actually quite raw, really. Beautiful, but raw. I like to relax like that anyway on a beach holiday. The occasional boutique hotel is lovely, but in tropical climes i find them to be too much - rigid and pernicky. Great in Paris, not so great in Phuket.

Today i seem to be back on track as far as the LL diet plan is concerned. I was delighted to notice that i had abar to eat in my 'Sunday' envelope. I've had to go without for two days because i ate two when i came home on tuesday night after the group.

I don't know why and i haven't analysed it.

I might have even ate three. I can't remember. I was hungry. I'd not had anything all day- very foolish i know - then i came home from the LL group and tucked into a bar. It wasn't enough.

Instead of thinking, "Hmmm, whats this about? What do you really want?" i acted on the urge to greedily replace the contents of my hands with another bar, saying to myself internally, "It wont matter - you will have to go a day without a bar thats all".

When i tried to protest, I was met with a, "You will just HAVE to go without on a different day - now go and get the bar!!!".

I didn't argue further.
I ran downstairs and grabbed another bar and ate it.

I'm annoyed. Yeah, annoyed and puzzled, and worried.
What if i'd been eating food, and it wasn't enough, so i just went down and grabbed some more food and ate it?
I can't do that. I WON'T do it!
You see - having the two or three bars like that is the same as having two or three meals - one after the other.
Thats what i used to do!
That's why i am now fat.
I'm not eating food again until i've got this sorted out.

That is final!